| (no subject) |
[Feb. 17th, 2007|02:52 am] |
More than anything else, I fear that I will be forgotten. I understand that everyone else is as busy as myself, but I find time to think about my friends. I always make my friends feel welcome and remembered. I often fear there is no one else in this world who would do the same for me. My body shakes while I try to figure out what it means to be an adult and why I can no longer relate to my friends in college. I am 24, and I sense more and more that my age is my disease, my disability.
I am further saddened because I lost much of the hearing in my left ear when I had mono. I constantly ask people to repeat themselves, and I am mortified each time. I do not want to grow up faster than I must, to feel as old as I am. I will be a student once more this summer, and many of my friends will join the real world; this role reversal will shock me out of a rhythm once more. Another year where I must adjust my niche in society, find a new group of close friends, evaluate who I trust in life.
I want consistency, rhythm, normalcy. I cannot find salvation, and it is driving me insane. As I grow, I become more and more conservative (read: libertarian) and fear the curveballs of life. I have finally found direction, yet I have never been in such a precarious position. My teeth chatter and my stomach churns, but I welcome it; anticipation and anxiety make me feel alive!
Life is about dealing! I remind myself of that every day; I think I am quite good at it. But honest to God, sometimes I just wanna get into a nice lil rut!!! |
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| kaloo kalay |
[Feb. 1st, 2007|01:39 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  ecstatic | ] |
Xine's new job may demand long hours, but the perks are amazing!
She had to go to nyc for "training," and so I spent a very frigid thurs and fri in an $800 per night hotel room.
Got to see peoples as well.
To add to the good news, I got a call this morning at 8:30 from Prof Findell at BU. The call was equivalent to an acceptance letter! The application deadline has not yet arrived, and the waiting is already over. I may even make money if I went to BU; they are offering plenty of money.
So I'll wait and see what happens, but the anticipation is over almost before it began. I'm gonna be a teacher. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 19th, 2007|02:23 pm] |
If you go to BU:
I am looking to trade a $25 gift card to Barnes and Noble for cash.
If you still need to purchase books for the spring and are interested in buying this gift card from me, comment! |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 22nd, 2006|04:09 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | grieving | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | violins!!! | ] |
Lost lost its time slot?!
What the crap?! |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 2nd, 2006|04:02 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | not work | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | unemployed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | anything on my new iPod!!!! | ] |
I got laid off today.
They believe that there will not be work for me until after xmas, so they decided they no longer need me.
I left with a smile, and I am not sure why there is no skin off my back. Perhaps the 3-hour round trip had something to do with it.
There is something wrong here with how they handled this situation: I need to give them two weeks notice, but they can simply tell me to leave at 11am on Monday morning. I thought that executives let people go on Friday afternoons to avoid incidents.
Anyway, I do not view this as bad news!
I now have opportunity to study for the GRE, apply for grad school, get more exercise, do housework, find a part-time job to pay for rent, and better connect with friends.
I am not happy that I lost my job. But I will not miss it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 26th, 2006|12:01 pm] |
I've got y'all beat!!!
Here is the character that Xine made for me, in case you were wondering what spurred yesterday's fad.
Here is the one that I made for myself.
Below is the character that I made back in 2001. That's right!!! I'm old!!!
 |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 25th, 2006|09:14 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  pessimistic | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | David Bowie - Life on Mars? | ] |
I turn 24 today. I dislike birthdays...correction: I detest birthdays, especially at this time in my life. Everyone I know and love keeps busy; stuffing our schedules is what keeps us both sane and crazy. It is in our nature to occupy our time, to clear out boredom and replace it with activity. The word "hectic" best describes our lives; it has become a necessity to write down every activity, project, and bathroom trip in an organized, leather book with the date atop every page.
On this day, part of me expects my friends to set aside time for me because it is my birthday. Then there's another part of me who realizes that it's not my day. On any given Monday, maybe 1/10 of all the people I know possess some free time. Of this small fraction, how many are willing to take the time out of their day to make me feel special? How many simply penciled my name into their planner and instantly forgot about it? And how many took the time because Facebook reminded them?
I WOULD RATHER BE TOLD "I APPRECIATE YOUR FRIENDSHIP" THAN "HAPPY BIRTHDAY."
I'm always embarrassed when someone says "Happy Birthday!" to me. After all, it's just a day. I didn't do anything particularly significant. I often joke about birthdays: "Hooray! You didn't die this year!" Christine's opinion is that the birthday is a chance to remember all that you have accomplished in the past year, but I do not subscribe to that newsletter. My attitude towards the anniversary of my birth is sub par, and I attribute it to the birthday's uncanny ability to remove the cloak of ignorance. You find out who is willing to MAKE time for you, and who is not. You remember who has really been there for you in the past year, and the answer is fewer people than you thought.
It begs the question: am I someone that everyone remembers, or someone who everyone forgets. We all have friends that we like, enjoy, and care for, but we are all in the end human. We make mistakes, we forget people. Some people just find a way to slip through the cracks, and I stay awake every night wondering if I'm that type of person for you.
I desire and strive to be a good person, and I want my friends and family to remember me as such. I invest much of my energy making others happy because I believe it will in turn bring me happiness. I tell a joke in hopes that at least one person will laugh, and I beam when I succeed. I appear to be living rather altruistically, but I do not believe in the concept of altruism. I perceive this as the shallowest and most selfish practice of mine; I pretend that it is enough for me to please others, that I can survive on others' joy alone. I am full of shit. I am really waiting for someone to return the kindness. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 22nd, 2006|09:13 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | chipper | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Green Day - Ha ha You're Dead | ] |
I always complain about work, but my birthday is in three days, so here are three good things about work.
1. I can make my own hours. If the job gets done, and I only wanna be here for 20 hours a week, that's fine. If I wanna come in for 60 hours a week, and there's work to be done, also fine.
2. Free tea. Yes, I'm still sick, and tea is pretty much the only thing that has kept me from hacking a lung up onto my keyboard.
3. I take a break every day to get one productive non-work task done. Flowers used to occupy this position mostly, but regardless of the task, this is where my daily sense of accomplishment is derived. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 19th, 2006|11:32 am] |
Thanks to Jen because this pretty much livened up my day. I hate being sick; I lack energy and enthusiasm, two qualities that help me shine.
Your results:
You are Spider-Man
| Spider-Man |
| 70% |
| Superman |
| 70% |
| Iron Man |
| 65% |
| Catwoman |
| 55% |
| Hulk |
| 55% |
| Robin |
| 50% |
| Green Lantern |
| 50% |
| The Flash |
| 50% |
| Batman |
| 40% |
| Supergirl |
| 33% |
| Wonder Woman |
| 18% |
|
You are intelligent, witty,
a bit geeky and have great
power and responsibility.
 |
Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 13th, 2006|11:48 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  groggy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | NONE - my ipod is dead! | ] |
Most recent bad news: My ipod died!
Most recent good news: I convinced Citibank to give me an additional month's interest ($50).
Anyway, I've become swamped with all that I need to do in the coming weeks. So for the first time that I can recall, I've made...
...My checklist!
Poor Teddy:
update facebook members to mailing list - CHECK
update signup sheet emails to mailing list - CHECK
email alum club about forming a group - CHECK
reserve room for GM - CHECK
reserve rooms for auditions - CHECK
ask marty if i can cast his silent roles - CHECK
draft email to send to wminds and st lists - CHECK
GRE:
buy book - CHECK
practice with a CD during work - ongoing
schedule a test in nov. - this week
study my ass off instead of watching tv - until nov.
Grad School Apps:
find out application due dates - CHECK
research grad schools - this week
General:
manage wm frisbee games - saturdays
transfer student loan payments - CHECK
check pay stubs for dental error - CHECK
install dvd burner - tuesday
buy a/v cable, coax for tv - tuesday |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 30th, 2006|08:55 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | hopeful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Stones - Paint It Black | ] |
My apologies to those who realized I accidentally left in K's answers as well as my own.
1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (pet's name and current street name)
Burt Magazine
2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandfather/grandmother on your mom's side, your favorite candy)
John Jellybean (that's silly)
3. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME: (first initial of first name, first two or three letters of your middle name)
T Jo
4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)
Green Monkey
5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)
John Waltham
6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 2 letters of mom's maiden name and first 3 letters of the town you grew up in.)
Anttoxenew
7. PORN STAR NAME: ( the name of your favorite doll growing up, and the street you grow up on)
Teddy Elgin
8. SUPERHERO NAME: (your favorite color, favorite drink)
Green Tea (too bad my favorite drink is not lantern) |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 23rd, 2006|11:58 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Mighty Bosstones - Impression That I Get | ] |
I have not posted in a while. Usually when I check my friends page, I do it as a way to pass the time at work. It is a point in the day when I am bored and unhappy. That's the worst time to post, or rather to get up the energy to put words to your thoughts.
I think the best way to get back into LJ is by posting something amusing, thereby associating LJ with amusing experiences and memories. I don't know if it works, but I'd like to think so.
Here's a conversation I had with Jen a moment ago.
Jen: I AM SO BORED.
Topher: me too!
Jen: I've finished the book I was reading. and all my others are packed.
Topher: i just barely got to work in time for my 11:15 meeting
Jen: I'm seriously thinking of just getting up and walking to Barnes and Noble or sometihn
Topher: you need to buy a new book
Jen: I know what I want to get, too
Topher: paperbacks are only $6
Topher: what?
Jen: Neal Stephenson's The Baroque Cycle
Topher: ha
Jen: it's 8 books in 3 volumes.
Topher: youre such an engly
Jen: a what?
Topher: engly
Topher: look it up
Jen: ok
Jen: can't find it on wikipedia or urban dictionary
Topher: but you were less bored looking it up, right?
Topher: *slaps hands together*
Topher: mission accomplished
Jen: slightly
Jen: lol
Topher: haha
Jen: did you just invent a word to get me to look it up?
Topher: yes
Jen: that's quite clever
Jen: bravo
And thus, I found a way for Jen to pass the time at work. By making up words. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 24th, 2006|08:17 pm] |
Got to work at 6:30. It's 8:20, and there's no sign of my going home. Everyone is gone now, so I've decided to make some money and take it easy. I'm hungry.
| You Are Beer! | 
You don't need to get totally wasted when you hit the bars.
More of a social drinker, you just like to have fun with your friends.
And as long as the beer keeps flowing, you're a happy camper.
But don't mix things up: "Beer Before Liquor, Never Been Sicker!" |
Your Seduction Style: The Charmer
|
You're a master at intimate conversation and verbal enticement.
You seduce with words, by getting people to open up to you.
By establishing this deep connection quickly, people feel under your power.
And then you've got them exactly where you want them!
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 21st, 2006|11:45 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | sleepy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Led Zeppelin - That's the Way | ] |
DON'T FORGET THE MIDDLE SCHOOL PARTY IS SATURDAY NIGHT AT 9!!!
I thought I'd share three great conversations...
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 20th, 2006|12:57 pm] |
Finally time to explain my horrific trip home last weekend.
Christine dropped me off at the A train at 5:15, where I waited a half hour for the train to arrive. I passed the time with an abysmal conversation with my mother. I got off at Broadway Junction to switch over to the J train. After walking a half mile to the J platform, I found it roped off for the weekend. Rather than return to the A platform, I decided to catch an L train because the platform was much much closer, and I really wanted to just get over to Manhattan. The L came almost immediately, but it waited for 10 minutes before departing. I sat there waiting for the doors to close, and once they finally did, I was treated with a 30 minute ride complete with a/c. I quickly scanned a map to see that the closest train to Chinatown was the 4,5,6, so I changed trains again, and again the train came immediately. So far so good, I'm in Chinatown.
There really is no close train to the Chinatown bus I discovered. And with the weather climbing into the 90's, walking is the last thing you wanna do with a heavy bag on your back. I know the neighborhood relatively well, so I made my way in more or less a straight line. On the way, I crossed the line of people waiting for the Fung Wah bus, and I realized how smart it was to choose Lucky Star instead. The line for Fung Wah was easily 500 people, which is like 9 buses, so there is quite a long wait. Lucky Star's wait turned out to be minimal.
The line for Lucky Star, however, is on a side street and runs adjacent to a trash heap. The smell is horrendous. As I made my way to the end of the line, I tried to hurry up but failed to beat a young couple there. Thanks to a talkative Hungarian guy who constantly asked me to watch his bag, I learned that the 6:30 bus was late (it was 6:50 by now). As we anxiously stared down the street, looking for a bus, the heat was really getting to me. I discovered that I had forgotten to refill my water bottle and also that I had not eaten anything since breakfast. Even worse, someone stole my debit card, and I forgot to borrow cash from Xine; I had $2, which I needed for the T. So the wait became miserable.
The bus finally came, and we all filed toward the door. I had joked that we would never get on the first bus considering how many people were ahead of us, and I turned out to be right. Just as I handed the guy my ticket, he pushed it away and said they were all full. And that is why I should have run past the young couple. I chatted with this nice Jamaican couple and their friend, but really I wanted to lie down more than anything. It took 40 minutes for the next bus to arrive, and although I had my choice of seat, I would rather have gotten on the bus before that one.
The bus ride was also less than stellar. The driver turned on what I decided to call Chinese pop music. Loud, obnoxious, and certainly not sleep-inducing. Despite my best efforts, I could not nod off, and I wished I had gotten more than four hours of sleep the night before. Either from lack of food, lack of water, or both, I developed a massive migraine, and sleep became out of the question. In trying to occupy my time, I remembered that I did not charge my phone or my ipod, and I noticed the phone battery begin to die. Both were nearing their ends, so I turned on the light and tried to do a crossword, but the woman next to me grew militant and made a scene until I turned it off.
At the rest stop, I saw that they accepted credit cards, and I was so happy to finally get something to drink. At the register, the woman proclaimed that credit cards need a $10 minimum. I stormed out and called Christine, hoping for some sympathy at least. My phone died instead, and I had an idea. My plan was to find someone who would pay me their cash, and then I would pay for both of us on my credit card. I asked several people who all answered no, none of them nicely. When I asked one man why not, he replied, "I dont want to." I felt like Elaine in the parking garage. The last person I asked ignored me, and I stood there waiting, and finally I lost my temper and told her to go fuck herself. I stormed back onto the bus and found some tic-tacs in my bag that I tried to use as food.
The second half of the trip was even worse than the first, as I really just wanted something to drink, my headache was horrible, and the woman in front of me pushed her seat back all the way. We finally arrived at South Station at 12:20, and I had to make a choice: take the red line and hope I could transfer before the green line stopped, or just walk to Boylston stop. I chose the former, and when I got to the T station, I was turned away by an mbta employee who said they were done for the night. I cursed myself again, and I started the long walk home. (I later found out you can pay for a cab with a credit card.)
I made my way through the other Chinatown, and I stopped at a 7-11 in the Theatre District. I picked up a bottle of Gatorade, and when I walked out, I noticed for the second time that weekend that there were plenty of people around, but not a white person in sight. I'm not racist, but you're not used to this kind of situation when you go to BU. I attempt to unscrew the cap while walking, and this proved difficult because the condensation made the bottle slippery, and I was exhausted. The bottle slipped out of my hands and made a sound against the pavement. This big guy leaning against a lamppost shouts out, "Yo, that's a Gatorade. You ain't sposed to drop it." Before I could reply with "Not tryin to drop it, tryin to drink it," his friend comes at me from my blind side and starts shoving me across the sidewalk. Both of them are much bigger than me, and they start backin me down the street. The first guy had to be really pissed I dropped the Gatorade because that's all he would talk about, and in the end, he decided I didn't deserve it. They could have taken my wallet, my ipod, whatever they wanted because it seemed no one was going to do anything. They wanted my Gatorade. I think that counts as petty theft.
Now I was thirsty, pissed off, and still like 3 miles from home. I got so pissed off at one point that I made friends with a homeless guy near Vinny T's on Boylston and talked with him for a half hour. The rest of the walk home was uneventful, but I stopped off at Shaws to pick up food for the work week. At the register I realized that my Shaws card wasnt in my wallet, and I angrily left half my groceries with the cashier. Walking out, it then occurred to me that my other wallet was in my bag the entire time, but I felt so defeated that I just kept walking home.
It was there, at 1:30, that I heard a familiar noise. It was an outbound train, a D train. It was only the red line that was shut down for the night. I passed by the Boylston, Arlington, Copley, Hynes, Kenmore stops, and I never bothered to check if they were closed. It was one of those times when you feel like luck would never dare throw you a bone, so you assume the worst. By the time I settled down in my apt again, it was 2am, and I knew I would need to get up for work by 6 at the latest. So I cleaned my apartment until the T started running again.
And no week has ever felt longer. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 20th, 2006|11:52 am] |
| You Are Dr. Pepper | 
You're very unique and funky, yet you still have a bit of traditionalism to you.
People who like you think they have great taste... and they usually do.
Your best soda match: Root Beer
Stay away from: 7 Up |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 19th, 2006|02:01 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  apathetic | ] |
Stories will need to wait. I'm job searching hard core.
Dont forget about party at my place on Saturday.
"Maybe it's just in America, but it seems that if you're passionate about something, it freaks people out. You're considered bizarre or eccentric. To me, it just means you know who you are." ~ Johnny Depp
Oh, and I quit my job, effective 8/25. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 17th, 2006|08:15 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | sore | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Green Day - Prosthetic Head | ] |
"Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me." ~ The Office
Insane NYC–>Boston stories to come! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 12th, 2006|07:51 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | ticked off | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Green Day - Walking Contradiction | ] |
What are the first five albums you ever bought?
Here's mine:
1. Green Day - Dookie
2. Bush - Sixteen Stone
3. Soundgarden - Superunknown
4. Hootie and the Blowfish - Cracked Rear View
5. Dave Matthews - Under the Table and Dreaming |
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